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Animated Atrocities 07/Transcript
Mr. Enter: Says it all, doesn't it? Wow, did I get a lot of requests for this one. You guys really seem to hate this episode, and watching it again, I can definitely see why. Everything it does is wrong. Beyond wrong, actually. So by popular request, let's tear Stuck in the Wringer a new one. Wow, we are off to an amazing start. You may remember our first writer, Zeus Cervas, and his other masterpiece, A Pal for Gary. And it looks like he's one of the creative geniuses who brought us One Coarse Meal. I'm super excited already! But that's not the only veteran who helped make this beauty. Apart from his work on The Splinter, we have Sean Charmatz! And then there's Derek Iversen, who created the creepiest fuck, Squid's Visit, and would eventually go on to help pen Demolition Doofus. It looks like we got ourselves a dream team here! It starts with Spongebob taking a shower when he overdramatically drops the soap because the writers think this is funny. Haha, nothing of substance happens. Then Spongebob cleans his brain because the writers don't know jack-shit about comedy. When the shower's done, Spongebob cleans himself off with a laundry wringer. Spongebob: What would I do without you, wringer? Mr. Enter: Use towels perhaps? Maybe drip dry in the fucking ocean! Spongebob gets dressed and is prepared to go to work, but slips on soap and bounces into his tub to pad out the episode's length. He steps on a rubber duck which startles him to step on another bar of soap, which gets him stuck in the wringer. He tries to use his tongue to get himself out, but ends up breaking the handle. Hey, this kinda reminds me of real life situations where people can't get their hands or other extremities out of nooks or machinery. They spend days calling for help that never comes and eventually force to cut off that extremity in pure desperation. And these hacks think a scenario like that can be used for comedy. Patrick comes in looking for his rubber duck. Okay, what season is this episode? [Title card with the words "Season 7" plastered on it.] Ah... I see... Yeah, by this point, Patrick had an IQ of negative seventy-five. When Spongebob asks for help, Patrick uses Forever Glue to "help" Spongebob be stuck forever. Yes, Patrick really has become that stupid. Speaking of that, you know what I find interesting? In these Spongebob Torture Porns, he's actually really close to his original personality. [The words "The Splinter being another example" appears.] And this episode especially. So the glue hardens because writers think that crippling someone is funny. Of course, Spongebob is only concerned about getting to work. Which yes, is very similar to his original characterization. Patrick does manage to help slightly by breaking the wringer off the floor. So Spongebob gets to work and starts making Krabby Patties. And when Squidward see the wringer, he, of course, laughs at Spongebob's misery. And then this happens. [Shows Spongebob squirting Squidward in the eyes by accident with mustard, making Squidward scream. Squidward's eyes shrivel up and fall onto the Krabby Patty. Spongebob screams.] Alright, dumbasses, or should I say dumbass, I think it's safe to assume that the one writer from The Splinter wrote this fascinating piece of the episode. From what I can gather, Sean Charmatz is like Dave Polsky if he was terrible at slap stick and really, really hated people. An important rule of slap stick is to never, EVER harm the eyes, fingernails, or toenails on camera. You've also got to be very careful with teeth. Those are extremely sensitive parts of our bodies, eyes especially, and pain towards them will automatically make us cringe. It is possible to do eye related slap stick, like, say, someone is trying to open a switch blade and looking really closely at it. If you wanted to be funny when the blade goes off, you got to move the camera somewhere else as that guy screams. Spongebob: Squidward! [Jumps out of the ordering window and into the rowboat register and on top of Squidward. A squishy impact sound is heard as Squidward goes limp inside the rowboat.] Are you okay? [Inside the rowboat, Squidward has scratch marks and his hat is one the floor.] Mr. Enter: Then there's Derek Iversen, who seems to have some bizarre psychological horror fetish. When someone asks for refills, Spongebob jumps up and causes the cash register to fall on his foot. Once again, the pain is reasonable to cringe inducing levels. Then we have shenanigans that eventually ends with the cash register emptying on the floor. This of course, gets Mr. Krabs to come into the picture. Mr. Krabs: HELP?! I THINK YOU'VE HELPED QUITE ENOUGH TODAY! [Carries Spongebob outside the Krusty Krab and kicks him out.] Mr. Enter: Remember that line. Spongebob gets kicked out of the Krusty Krab and bumps into the cause of all his pain. Patrick tries to cheer SpongeBob up instead of, I don't know, TAKING HIM TO A HOSPITAL! They go to an ice cream parlor where Spongebob is unable to eat his ice cream because the wringer is apparently stuck on his esophagus. Wow. That's just great. They're implying that Spongebob is eventually going to starve to death because of that thing! Because you know, if you can't swallow something like ICE CREAM, that tube is closed tightly. Aw, would you look at that! Patrick eats Spongebob's ice cream like a good, good friend! Next they go to the carnival where we're treated to some scenes where Spongebob can't play any of the games or ride on any of the rides. He even gets a shiner in the process. Hey, writers! I don't care who the hell you're doing this to, torturing a character IS NOT FUNNY! Speaking of torture, sometime later, Patrick comes around with some cotton candy for winning in a dart tournament. Wow, you sent your friend flying, but instead of seeing if he was okay, you go play darts. SOME GODDAMN FRIEND YOU ARE! Finally, Spongebob has had enough and he knocks the cotton candy to the ground. Spongebob: MAYBE NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU RUINING MY LIFE! Mr. Enter: Well said. So Spongebob finally tells Patrick off. Spongebob: HELP?! I THINK YOU'VE HELPED QUITE ENOUGH TODAY! Mr. Enter: Hey! It's exactly like that other scene! Of course, the townspeople angrily shout at Spongebob despite running excitedly towards their fight. Yeah, I suppose it's okay to yell at someone for some minor accidental vandalism, but it is not okay to yell at someone for ruining your life due to incomprehensible stupidity. Random Fish: You deserve what you've gotten. C'mon, we're out of here! [All the fish leave the carnival.] Mr. Enter: YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU ALL! [The words "I am almost ready to declare him the worst writer in the entire animation industry, period" appear.] I knew Zeus Cervas would shine through eventually. In fact, I think he was in charge of the rest of the episode! Patrick tries to stay mad at Spongebob, but is unable to. He runs to Spongebob's house, breaks in, and finds something that wouldn't be out of place in a horror story. I guess Derek ain't done yet. Spongebob: What's that? I can't hear you with all the lonely voices in my head. Mr. Enter: [In creepy, mocking whispers.] Torture Squidward... Torture Squidward... Torture Squidward... Torture Squidward... Torture Squidward... Torture Squidward... Spongebob: [Chuckles in an awkward and creepy way.] Oh, I love that part! Mr. Enter: And now it comes to the most infamous part of the episode. Patrick cries and then starts to melt the glue. Okay, before I move on, tears are essentially salt water. They live in the ocean. Do you DUMBASSES SEE THE FUCKING PROBLEM?! Spongebob: I guess crying does solve your problems after all! Mr. Enter: by a somber, strong tune (Silent Hill 2 OST "Promise (Reprise)"). Isn't it great that they're trying to teach kids such...valuable lessons in life? Alright you three—what's the word I'm looking for? Dipshits? No, that word is too good for you. Assholes? No, that's not quite right. Fuckers? No, I'm just gonna call you three excuses for humanity until I find a description that verbally fits your crude, idiotic, and juvenile talentless asses! What reality do you three live in?? I really want to know, I'm genuinely curious. In this reality, it's conventional wisdom that it takes an adult to write for children. What am I saying, that's not fair, children would make better writers than you three! Hell, infants would! My dog would! You mindless, degenerate hacks! You three may want to think your lucky stars every second of every day that whatever the fuck you sold your souls to was stupid enough to give you your jobs. Because if you lose your job writing this trite shit, you'll most likely never work again. Not on television, but in any job. I don't know anyone who would lower themselves so substantially to even reluctantly want your demented, poisoned minds around. Just leave us all alone, and go back to the fucking sludge you came from. Credits: "Spongebob Squarepants" is owned by Nickelodeon and Viacom. This video was made for review purposes and falls under fair use. No copright infringement was intended by this video. Thank you for watching Review(s): "The Groovenians" (Infamous Animation) "Friendship is Witchcraft" (250/300 Sub Special) Silent Hill 2 OST "Promise (Reprise)" Category:Transcripts Category:Animated Atrocities Category:Season 1